Depression’s Crash and Burn

Back_to_the_FutureImagine driving home from a fabulous party, falling asleep on the road and crashing head on into a wall. That’s Depression 2.0: The Reboot. And it’s way worse than Depression: Episode I: A No Hope.

No one is ever immune to a relapse of depression, even those who preach mental health left and right like me and my fellow MH gurus. After all, who gets a cold only once in their life, right? And what’s weird is even if you’re like me, equipped with all the tools, doctors, support system, resources at your disposal, the experience is worse way the second time around.

Let me take you back a bit for all this to make sense…

Everything was fine and dandy. I happened to ask for a change in meds because I was annoyed with some weight gain. A few days later it was as if someone sent me back in time machine without Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd. I was incredibly lethargic. No appetite. No interest in anything. Couldn’t focus. Couldn’t remember things. Okay, we’ll call them “side effects” but then came the sadness. The feeling of being overwhelmed. Totally stressed out. And then the crying.

By then, I was all “Girl, you depressed” until something totally unexpected happened. I became depressed about feeling depressed as if I had failed everyone I advocate for and educate. Then I became depressed thinking about things like “oh, I’m going to the beach. I hate feeling depressed on the beach.” MY DEPRESSION WAS DEPRESSED. Seriously, when your illnesses have illnesses, YOU ARE MESSED UP!

Different medications have different effects on people and this one made Hibachi Steak with my brain. It did the exact opposite it was supposed to do. Do I know other medications out there that absolutely work? Of course. Can I go back on them? Sure. Do I see the light at the end of the tunnel. NOPE. This is what depression does. It makes a hot mess of your thought process. I, for an absolute fact can name at least 3 medications I know not only work but know their side effects and how long they take to work. Yet, my thinking cannot wrap my head around this (wow, that was way existential.)

No one ever expects a side effect of depression medication to be depression. Honestly, could you imagine heart attack meds having the side effect of HEART ATTACK??? Yeah, like that would acceptable to anyone. But the reality is sometimes depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts are. So what’s one to do? Call you doctor. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your support system. And allow yourself to take a break…

And with that said, I will be taking a break and rebooting my brain for a week. No blogging. No social media posting (if I can help it). Nothing. Just some rest & relaxation and perhaps some monkeys!!! Big things are coming up this Spring and we need to be nice and refreshed!


Spread some sunshine!

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